Posted by shrinking violet on November 15, 2005, at 13:19:28
I don't know....I'm not sure what to say as I hadn't really expected to post today, although I've been toying with the idea for some time. First, I'm sorry I haven't been around much. It's hard to read posts about T's when I miss mine so much, and I'm never sure what to say to help anyone else anymore.
It's been about six months since I terminated with my ex-T. I've seen a new T (who knows my exT) about three times, but every time I go it's like grinding broken glass into an already infected wound, because facing this new person highlights the fact that she isn't my ex-T, nor will ever be, and it just hurts too much to go, so I've stopped for now.
I've written my ex-T a couple of times (she had said I could). She said I could visit her too, but I haven't yet; I'm not sure she really meant it, and I'm not sure how I'd react if I saw her again (being upset, etc). I miss her terribly. Sometimes as a T, yes (she was so comforting), but sometimes just in general for being who she was. I'm hurt though, too, that she ended that way with me, and that it ended the way it did (she said she'd never do it that way, she said she'd hang in there, but ultimately she did what I knew she'd do all along. Was I that much of a nightmare? Yes. I'd take it all back if I could, I wish I could...). I have so many questions and hurts and.....I keep meaning to get it all out, write to her about them specifically, but I haven't yet. I'm not even sure it would be a good idea. So in the meantime I think of her, I miss her terribly, I wish her well, I miss her and am upset with her and she hurt me and I fear I'll never hear her voice again.
:-(
Why is life always so sad and full of loss????
-sv
poster:shrinking violet
thread:578966
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/578966.html