Posted by Tamar on October 27, 2005, at 4:41:14
In reply to Re: Thanks to everyone » Dinah, posted by cricket on October 26, 2005, at 15:47:20
Gosh, cricket, that sounds like an incredibly difficult session.
I don’t understand why he didn’t apologise. I think I understand (after Alex suggested an explanation) about the birds and the twigs. But I really think in the circumstances an apology was in order.
I think this is very interesting:
> I actually managed to look at him as I said this and I am so glad because he immediately flushed bright red, his eyes rolled back slightly and he glazed over. Actually I thought he was going to pass out for a second.It sounds as if he had no idea that you would be so upset at what he said, and he spent most of the session trying to explain himself to you. Did he ask you at all what you were thinking and feeling about it?
I admit I don’t know much about parts. And perhaps it’s interesting to hear him say what he thinks has been going on with your parts. Do you think he’s right? Do you think it’s relevant? I think what he’s saying makes some sense: he tried to protect one part, but then she wouldn’t let another part speak and when that part did get to speak she had problems with your T’s authority (not surprisingly, if he’s protecting a part that silences her)… Maybe I didn’t understand correctly… But I guess my question is: what’s he going to do for the tough one? Because she needs a lot of patience and understanding and she really needs to be heard, and maybe she’s less easy to get along with than the little girl who needs him. And I’m not sure he understands at all where the tough one is coming from, so maybe he just needs to shut up and listen to her and not try too hard to interpret. I don’t think he’ll understand how sensitive she is unless he spends some time just listening. Right now, on the basis of what you’ve been posting recently, that would be my question to him. How is he going to help with the tough part? (If I’m talking complete rubbish, please either ignore me or put me right.)
> Then he said, "Do you really feel like you have to make this decision today? Can you take one more week to think about it?"
>
> I agreed. I'm not sure why.I’m glad you agreed because even if you decide you don’t want to continue therapy with him, it’s probably a decision best made over the course of a little time.
I’m usually very optimistic that people can work things out with their therapists. And I do think you can work through this with yours, even though it will be very painful. My real concern, though, is that you’ve been working very hard recently to get through session after session of crossed wires or misunderstandings or hurtful remarks. And you can’t go on like that for months. But I don’t know whether you can plan for a couple of light and easy sessions…
My other concern is my sense (based of course only on a few posts you’ve made and on no significant knowledge of the situation) that although he wants very much to help you, he’s either not feeling confident enough of his skills, or he’s making mistakes for other reasons.
Well, you’ve agreed to think about it for a week. And I really think that’s a good thing. How are you going to decide? Will you sit down and make a list of reasons to stay and reasons to go? Will you think about how each of your parts will respond to your leaving therapy? Will you just go with your gut?
I can imagine the relief of the idea that it’s over. It’s been very hard. I hope the deciding part goes as well as can be expected.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:572077
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572303.html