Posted by kerria on October 14, 2005, at 10:43:02
In reply to To My Therapist, posted by cricket on October 13, 2005, at 8:53:44
Hi Cricket,
your message to your T is so good- it's so difficult to do therapy for trauma when you're in pieces and every part has a different way of looking at everything that a therapist says and does. i have absolutely no idea what is true about the way i see my T or not true, it's all in parts - i can never see the whole picture. Especially this happens at therapy because we don't have a 'therapy part', there is no one part that goes to the job of therapy so all parts get involved.
Your relationship with your T is so good i think- so much better than mine because the main things are right- like you recognize that T is trying to help you mend afterwards- that's a good thing- and that he likes you. The relationship is so complicated and i go through that same cycles every session with my T only i don't think that he likes me or cares about me and i just go on because i hope that i'm wrong- i'm always wrong about everything , at least partly.
i come to Babble and read about your relationship with your T and compare and think that my T doesn't care about me like that and i feel very guilty also about things that i write about him here.
Sometimes i feel justified though about the negative things that i write about my T because he doesn't try to help the situation by being kind and helping me as much as i need to feel safe, that he's on my side. Still, if anyone writes negative things about my T then i get defensive of him. It's one of those things that are always a mess (my brain stops thinking at the mess border, does yours also?).
If i don't hear any responses to my pain in support groups i won't anywhere, i won't hear any 'i'm sorrys' that matter from T.
Maybe some persons with DID are just too hurt to take in any positive statements of caring- maybe we shut everything out and the caring stuff is part of it.
The T relationship is so unequal. We're way more hurt than Ts could ever help. Our Ts are not that wounded, they're not in pieces and every day having to endure all the craziness and the painful misunderstandings. Their lives are together and happy. They have support. They have somewhere to turn if therapy isn't successful.
We have a lot more to lose in the relationship. It's so hard.(((((((Cricket and all inside)))))))
(((((((my parts)))))))
poster:kerria
thread:566417
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051008/msgs/566801.html