Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2005, at 20:16:44
In reply to To My Therapist, posted by cricket on October 13, 2005, at 8:53:44
Hey sweet Cricket.
I went through this cycle a lot with my therapist. And I still go through it, though a lot less often because he's really secure in how much I care about him. Maybe too secure, but that's another story.
And it's because he's a defensive person. For whatever reasons of his own, he feels like he needs to defend himself about anything he perceives as criticism. Either that or fold his arms and cut himself off, which is worse.
It's not me, it's him.
And realizing that gives me a lot more patience and understanding to work with it. Once you gain a certain distance by realizing it's the other person, it's much easier to deal with it because you don't get drawn into the drama.
I'm not in the room with you, and it's probably not black and white. It isn't even with my therapist because I do say critical things of him. But I think you can probably assume that at least a good part of it is him. And maybe that will help you stay calm the next time it happens and analyze it? I don't know. Maybe that's an unhealthy coping technique, but I do it all the time. "Hey, when I said xxxx, you did yyyyyy. What were you thinking when you did yyyyy. Why did you do that? Please stop. I don't like it." Ooops. I guess that's being critical of him again. But it's worked surprisingly well and it usually surprises and amuses my therapist out of his defensive posture.
poster:Dinah
thread:566417
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051008/msgs/566591.html