Posted by happyflower on September 7, 2005, at 11:38:33
In reply to Hugs from T?, posted by luvdove on September 7, 2005, at 6:11:01
I remember asking my T about hugs. I wanted to know if I feel apart emotionally in front of him what would he do. I think it went back to trust issues for me. I was never allowed to cry as a kid even during abuse. Plus I was never hugged either. But as an adult and because of my DH family, I am a hugger but I still have trouble letting anyone other than my DH see me cry.
Well anyways when I asked him if he would hug me. He said no, I don't hug my clients unless it is little kids who want one or maybe at the end of therapy with some people. Then he asked me if it would even make me feel good. I was honest and I said yes. Then he dropped the subject.
He also said that most T's do not hug. He said a theraputic relationship is not a personal one, and if he hugged his clients it would blur the line. I have never even shaken his hand, but I don't think he would refuse that, but it would seem a little odd now anyways.
But I do think that since I know he won't comfort me that way, I have controlled my emotions and not cried even once with him. I haven't even come close to crying. I do that alone at home so I don't feel like I need to release it in therapy, because I do that at another time. Yes, I think if I did lose it, I would like him to at least hold me while I cry, but it isn't going to happen with him. I do find a lot of comfort in his words now. I find comfort in his openess and honesty with me. I think if he did hug me I would cry, I don't why, but it would cause me to. It would break down my defenses that I had in the beggining.
I have released my anger on him though. And it wasn't transferece it was directly at him and he knows it. It was probably one of the best sessions we have ever had. I think after that session he looked like he needed a hug! LOL
I think you have been with your T long enough, why not ask him what his rules are about it. But ask him before you want a hug, so you won't be hurt too much if he says no. Good luck, let us know what he says if you ask. :)
poster:happyflower
thread:551803
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/551876.html