Posted by Tamar on August 25, 2005, at 20:23:06
In reply to Re: Why am I so incompetent?, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:00:11
> I have tears for you too. I'm so sorry. Don't blame yourself, I do stuff like that all the time.
Yeah, I make plenty of mistakes. I just wish I hadn't made *this* one. Sigh.
> Is there anyway at all that you could call your old therapist, leave a message about whatever and record his call back? Can you orchestrate a "do over"? Maybe not...
You know, I thought about doing just that. But I wondered if it would be cheating in some way. And actually, he probably wouldn't call me back unless I had an actual reason for calling him. And I'm a useless liar. I'd end up blurting out, "Please would you call my answering machine and leave a message so I have a recording of your voice." Argh!
> I know how important those tangible things are. But his essence is still with you, you haven't lost him completely. You never will. And it occurs to me if it got this important, maybe it is time to think about returning to therapy. I know you've said you still have a few things to work on, and I'm sorry, I don't remember if your therapist stopped practicing or moved or if you can return to work with him for a little while. It's just a thought...
You're right. There's still something of him with me, even without the tape. And I could go see him again. But I've been trying to avoid it because I think I'm still in some denial about the end of therapy. I don't want to give in to my mind's stupid games. I've been having therapy fantasies and I think it's just an attempt to avoid the reality of the end of the relationship. Most of the time I'm fine and don't think about him too much. But I'm anxious about work stuff at the moment, and my so-called mind is playing tricks on me. I would love to go back and see him, but I'm afraid my motives aren't the purest. And I would have to say goodbye again...
poster:Tamar
thread:546656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050824/msgs/546690.html