Posted by fairywings on August 22, 2005, at 11:36:33
In reply to Re: Starting over again/Missing my ex-T » fairywings, posted by Tamar on August 21, 2005, at 16:50:52
> I’m so sorry things didn’t work out with your ex-T. I can understand why you were angry with him. I think it’s true that a lot of people are particularly stressed about financial matters (particularly people with kids), and it’s often a major source of conflict between couples, so perhaps it’s on your ex-T’s list of things to keep asking about. But there are ways of asking sensitively…
Hi Tamar, you know he never asked about money b4 that. And he didn't ask if we had money problems, he said, "do you have a lot of $?" And I said no, and he said, "Was your house expensive?" I said why did you ask if we have a lot of $? and he said "it's just that most ppl complain about it more, seem to have more problems" The way I looked at it, why complain to him about $, it's not like he could do anything about it. I think he had financial issues, and let his own problems cloud his ability to treat me. After he said that he made a personal disclosure, and then said "sometimes life just isn't fair." It felt like a slap in the face. Now I'm not hurt, I"m mad. And I'm glad I didn't get a chance to go back, I know it wouldn't have been in my best interest, and I couldn't have fully trusted him.
>
You put your trust in him, and in many ways he demonstrated that he deserved that trust. And yet, in other ways it seems he let you down. No wonder you’re hurt and angry and missing him all at the same time.Yeah, despite it all this is still the way I feel, but I know in my heart and gut that it's worked out for the best.
>>I’m really curious about your appointments being shorter than his other patients – and I wonder how long they were. There’s a kind of ‘industry standard’ of about 50 minutes (though it can vary), so if you were only seeing him for 35 or 40 minutes, I’d be curious about why. It doesn’t seem like long enough.
One appt was 30 min long, one was 45 min., and the rest were 35-40, plus add to that he took two personal phone calls, and why in the heck I ever went back, or miss him just shows how much I need help! LOL And no, I agree, it's not long enough, 50 min should be the shortest. I think he was lazy, and it hurts and makes me mad that my appts were shorter than his other patients. The woman at the desk said some of his appts run 45 some an hour! I'd love to tell him I know that!
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> I agree with what others have said about seeing your ex-T in the waiting room: it’s perfectly acceptable for you to come to the decision that your ex-T wasn’t a good fit for you. There’s nothing to be uncomfortable or embarrassed about. If he’s at all professional he won’t take it personally. If you see him, you don’t have to speak to him. Just raise your eyebrows in acknowledgement of his presence. If you do see him he’ll be otherwise occupied, so he shouldn’t be too interested in interrogating you about your reasons for quitting. (And if he does, you could always tell him straight that he made you very angry…) Remember that you are a strong, intelligent woman capable of making your own decisions!I'd love to tell him, I don't think he'd ask, but I'd love to tell him he crossed the line with the questions and that I know he was cutting my appts. short. I know I'll see him, but at this point I don't care. It's a step in the right direction for me.
> I really hope things work out with your new therapist.
>
Thanks Tamar
Me too! If it doesn't I don't think I could do this again!
poster:fairywings
thread:544559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050813/msgs/545142.html