Posted by LauraBeane on August 8, 2005, at 9:45:00
In reply to Re: In Session: Chapter 8 - Mothers Lost and Found » daisym, posted by LadyBug on August 7, 2005, at 21:07:43
Hi there, my mom is also bipolar and I just want to tell you that I relate very strongly to everything you say. The whole attachment thing is just torture. I don't want to be too dependent on my T or on anyone, I know too well where that road can lead. Yet I am attached to him in spite of myself and the intensity of my feelings scare me. I have shared them a little with him and I think this has made him quite wary of me. So I am fighting it, fighting it, fighting it by myself, which doesn't seem quite right.
I hope to read this book one of these days. So far my desire to read it and the $$ to buy it keep happening at different times, if you know what I mean! (Another product of having a bipolar parent is my inability to keep to a budget, having never seen how it's done.)
I'm so sorry your mom never hugged you or said I love you. You and I know that the issues bipolars face are immense, but as children we didn't know what our bipolar parents were struggling with. We thought that that world was the normal world. It was not, it is really so much better than that. You deserved to hear I love you and you deserved to feel secure. Anyway, you're not alone. I've been there too.
Take care,
LB
> This chapter is the one that made me interested in buying the book when it first came out. I could relate to so much of it and it helped me realize that my feelings of love and longing for my therapist were pretty normal. I had a hard time understanding them but this chapter talked to me. My mom is bipolar and therefore she wasn't reliable for me. My therapist has tried to be reliable and consistant with me. I've struggled with my attachment to my therapist. I tell myself this isn't a real relationship and it can never be anything outside this office. My attachment has been frustrating to me. It makes me afraid of loving her and having to tell her goodbye in the end. But I do love her! Why should I have my heart professionally broken??? I have my therapist in my mind all the time. I think about her more than anything else in my life. That get's overwhelming at times. In the beginning of my therapy with her I wanted to know where she was going if she ever went away. I feared abandonment. I want to know that she is thinking about me between sessions. At times I've had to make sure of it by calling her and leaving her a message or by sending her a note. I've been so afraid to love because I don't want to be hurt. I can't seem to get through it. It's the hardest part for me.
> My Mom never, ever hugged me or said I love you. That hurt who I am inside.
> Good chapter!! Great book!!! I'm so glad Lott wrote this book!! Now I just wish she'd write another one!! And I could graduate from therapy!! In one peace and be happy.
> LadyBug
poster:LauraBeane
thread:538593
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/539105.html