Posted by Deneb on August 3, 2005, at 21:03:26
I have this "acquaintance", (she considers me a friend), and I get really annoyed with her.
IMO, she is not that bright and often times I cannot stand it when she asks really obvious and stupid questions. Her vocabulary is um...limited. I'm not a snob or anything, I don't expect her to use "big" words...heck I don't use "big" words...but it astonishes me to realize that she actually does not know what the words mean.
I've taken some classes with her and I've always gotten way better grades than she does, yet she just graduated and I'm still trying to get my B.Sc. I just hate my breakdowns...they totally screw up my grades and my life! I'm jealous that she is more functional and successful than me but yet I'm smarter.
If she can get her degree, I certainly can! If the average student with average grades can get their B.Sc., I can too because I am capable of getting above average grades. (That is what my p-doc lead me to conclude through evidence).
Anyways, I find that I pretend to be all "nice" to this person. On the inside I really dislike her. My p-doc told me this was me projecting myself on her. I hate how she is needy, I hate how she asks really stupid questions, I hate how she is shallow and materialistic. I don't agree with my p-doc's conclusion...I think I just dislike her. I am not a materialistic person at ALL. I feel absolutely evil when I pretend to laugh at her extremely *lame* comments and jokes and feign concern for her problems.
She just called me up and told me that she went out with some guy for a while and that he just broke it up. This guy is supposedly super smart...going to write the MCATs and such. When she told me that he broke it off, I thought to myself, "Of course he broke it off! He was just going out with you on pity dates!"
I hate myself for hating her so much. I hate myself for thinking that I am better than her because I'm smarter than her. I'm jealous that she has friends and a life and can function as a normal person despite being a ditz. Meanwhile, here I am...going nowhere, always on the edge of death...it's just not fair. I'm capable of so much more...I KNOW I am.
Deneb
poster:Deneb
thread:537244
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/537244.html