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Re: I wanted the perfect mother. » alexandra_k

Posted by daisym on July 24, 2005, at 0:01:39

In reply to Re: I wanted the perfect mother. » daisym, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 17:02:08

I think everyone deserves a "good enough" mother. I think my kids had one, until the past year or so. Because I wasn't afraid to say "I was wrong and I'm sorry" and I always told them how special they are, right now, right here...not that they "will be" or "could be" -- just that they are. And I genuinely like them them. I think they are a hilarious bunch.

I often wonder if I had a female therapist if things would be different for me. I bet I'd be more put together, still trying to prove how competent and strong I am while expecting them to see through that, into the pain. But put together is probably better than this current state. I think I trust men with my emotions more than women, even though I was abused by my dad, not my mom. It is the need to be perfect in her eyes, which means not telling any bad stuff or needing anything from her that she wouldn't/couldn't give. I can't tell you how many times she has told me that I was "such an unhappy child" and she "never knew how to make you happy" and she tells me I was never satisfied with anything, I always looked at her like I expected something more.

I wonder if I look at my therapist like that when I have to leave his office and I'm not ready? I'll have to ask him. I feel sorry for him, having to suffer the transference around mother issues AND father/trust issues. Poor guy.He should charge me for dual roles.

 

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