Posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 20:24:18
In reply to Re: I am so very unfair to my husband.. :-( *trigger* » pinkeye, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 18:53:43
Thanks so much JS.. I keep wondering how you (and others) keep replying to my constant ramblings without getting fed up of me.. I used to think my ex T hated me for the mails that I sent to him, and suspected that he never bothered to read most of it and must have got fed up - and here I am, posting 1000 times more than I wrote to him, and yet folks here reply so much to me.. Don't you guys ever get fed up of me??
Thanks for your words.. I feel bad about my husband, because whatever else he is not, atleast he is loyal to me. And I am not. So that is what irks me.. I don't think I can honestly leave babble - I get a lot of support here, and I don't think I can survive without it.. But I also feel it keeps bringing my ex T back to my mind all the time, and sometimes wish I can stay away from it.. IT is hard.
> hi Pinkeye,
> I find it sad to see that you're thinking that YOU should apologize to your husband. To me, it seems that HE should be apologizing to you for the abuse, the hitting, the yelling, the domination, and the other personal things you mentioned in previous posts.
>
> Why do think it's so important to be loyal to a man like this? What about loyalty to yourself and your needs? If you're not in love with him now, you probably never will be. And maybe that's a sign that he's not treating you right -- if he was a safe haven for you, you'd love him more. If he was trustworthy, you'd trust him more.
>
> You said that you'd have support back in India. BUT -- if that support is from your parents (the dad who abused you emotionally and physically) and the mom who stood by invisibly), I don't see that as "good" support at all! I'm really worried about you leaving your current network and going back to a country where you're sort of starting over.
>
> I'm so sorry if I sound harsh. I just care about you a lot, and I really wish you were able to recognize your beauty and strength, and see that you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for! I wish you could be happy.
>
> About leaving babble, that's a decision you need to make. But do it for yOU if you do it -- not because you think it's what your husband would want or order you to do. What do YOU want and need out of life? Does babble help you?
>
> Anyway, I hope you're well.
> please keep writing!
> JenStar
poster:pinkeye
thread:531705
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/531854.html