Posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 15:18:10
Not completely yet.
He did ask if I wanted to come next week and talk about it a little more.
I nodded my head yes.
But I said I didn't want to waste his time anymore. I wasn't ever going to get any better.
He said, "I happen to think that you're moving right along."
"But I don't know how to function anymore. I look at other people and they seem so alien to me. I used to know the formulas for how to interact. I don't know that anymore. I can't stand to be with people even in a casual, social way."
"But you've always been like that. You've always been alone."
"Yes on the inside. But on the outside I used to know how to fake it."
"Why would you want that? Fake relationships. That's idleness. That helps no one."
So I said that I would think about it. It sounds like what he's asking is that my sole connection to the world of human beings be through him.
He says, "You have to be real and authentic with me and have a relationship with me before you can learn about anyone else and before anything else feels safe. Right now, you don't have any idea how to relate to anyone else."
The power imbalance of this kills me. So, I am supposed to give up the little bit that I know how to do, the few friendly interactions with people that I have so I can then discover what it is to have a real relationship with one person but to that one person I am Tuesday at 1:30.
I have some real thinking to do. Why didn't I just say no. This is it. Goodbye. Now I am going to have a week of horrible internal conflict.
poster:cricket
thread:530149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/530149.html