Posted by Susan47 on July 19, 2005, at 0:56:07
In reply to Re: Repost: loving your therapist (rabidreader), posted by rabidreader on July 18, 2005, at 18:16:05
I think what shut him down completely to me was my inability to communicate. He said my "transference is too strong". I'd like to ask him exactly what he means by transference, you know? Because for a long time I thought that was just a way of saying that I was too angry with him, I didn't trust him, I couldn't do that. But then when I showed that I thought I could, he still refused me. And I know I can, I know I really want to, now, but he would still refuse. He's afraid of my insistence, I think. You know, I did hound him. I think I frightened him terribly. And he must protect himself as well. He has a home and family and business to run. He can't be letting clients go astray falling in love with him and I am quite sure, judging by his persona and his behaviour, also his looks, that this happens to him fairly regularly. Not that all his clients go nuts over him, but I know women fall in love with him frequently. Because who wouldn't love someone caring and kind, and, as your therapist is also, beautiful to look at and listen to as well. I think it would be Hell, pure Hell, to be his wife. Can you imagine? It isn't something I'd ever want, he must be truly spectacular if his wife is secure in his love. Her, as well. Together they'd have to have a very strong relationship, very loving and considerate, kind and giving, on both sides, otherwise the outside pressures would be too much I'm sure. Lots of trust needed for that kind of man. Hm. But I do know men who're fabulous, and good-looking, at work .. and they seem to have all their manners in place, and I think they probably have good marriages too for the most part. But, they're not therapists, either. I don't know why I think that makes a difference. I suppose it's part of being a woman, making an emotional connection much easier than a man would ever even suspect. I think it's why we scare them.
I wish you luck, you know. I think you should definitely tell your therapist how you feel but wait until you know you trust him to like you enough not to dump you for your feelings. I told my ex-T far, far too soon, before I was really ready to process any of the emotional consequences. I just jumped into the deep end, and I almost drowned, really. And scared him as well. Do keep posting and tell us how it goes, it helps to be able to talk about it with others. Really.
poster:Susan47
thread:527210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/530003.html