Posted by Deneb on July 16, 2005, at 18:29:22
In reply to Re: Lack of punishment/discipline growing up » Deneb, posted by Jen Star on July 15, 2005, at 21:23:23
> hi Deneb,
> I think some people are just born with certain traits, and they can develop more or less strongly depending on the circumstances.Does this suggest that my "disorder" is more a result of nature rather than nurture??
I have no idea whether this is relevant (probably not), but I was an extremely fussy baby...not like my sister, who was able to sleep peacefully.
It would be interesting to see to what degree the temperments we are born with affects our personalilties as we age.
> ...You may be impatient with yourself. These things may just be the way you are, and they probably help drive you to perfection! :)
My p-doc told me that I should not be so hard on myself.
>
> It's possible that those times you felt like ___ yourself, what you actually wanted to do was not to die, but to wipe out the failure, to drive out the imperfections. And your mind wasn't sure how to separate the two things, so you focused on the ___ part. It wasn't so much a desire to cease existence but a desire to be better than you were. Hopefully that's why you never acted on your desperate feelings, anyway.When I'm desperate, I don't know what to do. I feel like...like...I CAN'T STAND IT!...Like I have to ___ because I cannot stand it. Your explanations make a lot of sense. Probably one of the reasons why my p-doc believes that I won't kill myself is because I still want to achieve things etc. I think the greater danger is killing myself accidentally.
> I'm sorry about the box. I know stuff in childhood resonates far into the years! Did you ever get to see it?
No, I never got to see it...it got thrown away. I'm over the box thing now but I still remember the hurt it caused. I don't think it was the actual box I was so upset over. I think I was actually upset at what the box represented. It represented the time my sister and my Mom got to spend together without me. They had lots of fun without me and I was upset. I wanted to be a part of it too.
I had lots of very intense feelings as a little kid, but nobody understood me. :-(
Thanks JenStar for listening
Deneb
poster:Deneb
thread:528292
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/528698.html