Posted by Daisym on July 14, 2005, at 12:59:21
In reply to Re: I actually really, really, really want some lo » crushedout, posted by Dinah on July 14, 2005, at 8:07:23
I think you've articulated the human condition and the damaging results of valuing "independence." It is one my therapist's favorite speeches, to tell me that being independent is overrated and that we would all do better if we were "inter-dependent" -- not dependent and not independent. Humans are essentially pack animals, it is in our nature to want physical contact. Look at the monkey attachment studies -- baby monkeys spent 90% of their time on the cloth, soft "mommy" instead of on the steel mommy who had food. We know that we all need more than food and water to stay alive.
I think what I want is intimacy with a special someone. I know I'm loved, without a doubt my kids love me, even my parents love me. I know my husband loves me. But it all feels like love predicated on being who they need me to be. I want someone to be intimate with, show my real self to, and I'm not talking about sex. It is that psychological merging that makes us feel whole. I think that is why cults get so popular, or gangs. You are part of a shared group, you aren't alone.
I wish you weren't too big to sit on your therapist's lap, crushed. But I hope she can make you feel held, and understood. I wish I could do that for you too.
(((crushed))))
poster:Daisym
thread:527350
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/527524.html