Posted by pinkeye on June 27, 2005, at 16:06:06
In reply to Long rambling about csa **trigger**, posted by pinkeye on June 27, 2005, at 13:45:02
And what it does to you is really awful.. you spend years trying to find out about your own sexuality and getting tortured trying to find out why you always get attracted to people who don't want to be with you.. And why you are not able to like people who really value you and want to be with you. Why I always felt it was ridiculous that my ex T gave me respect - I wanted him to treat me like a kid, and I was really confused when he gave me so much of respect.. When he was polite, I was thinking "oh, jsut tell me what to do and I will do it".. I didn't realize I was thinking of him like my dad and waiting for his orders. I really wanted to take care of my ex T emotionall, like how I always did for my dad.. I wanted to show to him how good I can be so he would one day confess his liking to me.. I think that is what I did for my dad - did everything well and behaved very well and wanting and hoping he would admit his liking even though my father did admit to liking me but didn't explicitly say it.
Oh.. it was all so very confusing for me..
poster:pinkeye
thread:519917
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/519988.html