Posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 20:21:35
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » Jen Star, posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 20:05:36
Rain,
I really understand the concept of calm outside, screaming inside. I love the phrase, "duck on a pond" because it describes me so well. Calm on the surface, feet going a million miles an hour. You sound like this too.
You have to find a way to channel all this stress. Meds didn't do it for me, Ativan made me much worse. For awhile I would bake -- beating eggs and sifting flour was a good outlet. Besides people left me pretty much alone in the kitchen but I wasn't completely isolated. I read A LOT. But I have to read stuff that I can stay with. I used to read anything and everything. There was a period of time when I couldn't stay with anything at all. So I started reading psych books or books about depression. It kept my mind engaged and and helped me with my own issues.
Sometimes I think the stress I'm under is actually tangible. There are enormous things going on and I feel caught in a tidal wave of live fear. You know, that fear that makes your hands go cold, your gut twist, your mouth go dry and the hair on the back of your neck stands up. The pain in my chest is huge and heavy. For a few weeks I worried there was something physically wrong with me because it physically hurt so much. I finally realized it was the anxiety. Some of it was really old, I was feeling what I suspect I always felt back then. But the real stressors were there too, so I couldn't just dismiss this, or package it up to wait for therapy sessions. Knowing what you are talking about, I would guess this is true for you too.
I can't change the stress I'm under. I'm stuck with it for now. I'm guessing you are too. So you have to find a way to distract from it, or it will do you in. I'm not that good at it, itis really hard. And you don't have to be nice to people, you can be quiet. Sometimes loud music helps me and it makes it impossible for people to talk to me. I've heard other people exercise until they are exhausted so they can sleep.
In extreme times, I have less healthy ways to release the stress. So I'm trying to tell you that you should aim to let off a little steam now, before you reach this point.
I wish I could be there to actually help you. I hope I haven't put words in your mouth here. I'm worried about you. Please keep posting.
poster:daisym
thread:518869
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/518891.html