Posted by B2chica on June 24, 2005, at 11:28:49
In reply to Need help, but too triggered to write. :(, posted by LittleGirlLost on June 24, 2005, at 10:25:46
i'd like to jump in on this thread cuz there are a few things that that same thread triggered for me.
maybe this will help you to open up a bit also (only when you're ready though).i too read and posted to the thread about fear of men. my comment was like happyflower, my 'fears/distrust' are directed at women rather than men. but the same certainly applied.
it made me think of why exactly i avoid them as friends. one of my toughest issues was with one of my best friends when i was 13-14, we drank all the time and always went to parties. one night we both came home terribly drunk and passed out together, i woke up to her molesting me. a visual that haunts me and makes me sick to my stomach. my next best friend led me into a situation where i was r@ped and she was oblivious (i'm still struggling with that term cuz i didn't fight at all, i freaking froze and was led into the situation a second time and was SA again...i still blame myself but there were times that i blamed her).
and my mother, well. i'm still figuring that one out. it triggers me to even think about it, don't know how to say it....i don't think she molested me but i remember her 'cleaning me' when i was real little and she was painfully rough, then i remember her always rubbing vaseline on me (in two areas). it bothers me. i feel like there's more but i can't remember and don't want to misread anything. it makes me feel dirty even thinking about it, it makes me feel sick, about myself and about her.
maybe this was too graphic. maybe i shouldn't have written it. but maybe you've had smiliar betrayals by men and there creates a fear. maybe you're not ready to let it come to the surface just yet.
i hope i didn't make anything worse.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:518024
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/518055.html