Posted by Shortelise on June 20, 2005, at 15:23:39
In reply to wrote and sent this letter to T today, posted by Shortelise on June 18, 2005, at 1:22:10
He said that this isn't the first time I've walked out of a session, and that he hoped I'd come back as soon as possible and talk about the things I wrote.
He said lots of stuff, all in that ten-miles-away voice. All very matter of fact, all very "I'm sorry if you don't like what I'm saying but it needs to be said" voice.
He understood from my note that I am asking him not to point things out to me!! I am asking him to be gentler. Maybe he can't be, maybe he's tried that and it hasn't worked.
I said I felt like he wants me to go away, that he dislikes and is fed up with me. He said I have to take responsibility for those feelings because they are not how he feels. He said it's imortant to see where they come from.
He would prefer to see me every three weeks, not once a month.
What? So how can I imagine that he hates me and wants me to go away? I hate me and want me to go away, how can he not?
Help. Help! I feel so awful.
He said that he does not like it that I left like that instead of staying and talking things through, and he did not like it that I said as I was leaving that he is a nasty person. (He didn't say I'd called him a nasty little man. That's a way nastier thing to say than just calling him a nasty person!! I have to wonder if his receptionist altered what I said for his benefit. We're kind of pals, and I wouldn't put it past her.)
He said it would have been best if I'd stayed in the room and told him I thought he was being nasty.I don't know. I want him to feel as bad as I do. It's completely infantile how I feel. He said something about how I should "use the skills Ive learned." *sshole. (God, I love that word. It has a certain something that no other insult does.) How in the world does he think I get through every day.
Babblers, please talk to me, no holds barred. GG, you too. If I am being an idiot here, I need to hear it from my far away pals from whom I have some distance. I could hear it from someone very close, too, but there is no one close to me who can see this clearly.
Help. Please. Dammit.
ShortE, feeling stupid and pathetic and all wrong and suicidal. Suicidal for me is an idea, not an act, so I won't actually do it. How I wish I would.
poster:Shortelise
thread:513787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/516068.html