Posted by Shortelise on June 17, 2005, at 2:00:21
In reply to T today - hurt and angry - may trigger, posted by Shortelise on June 16, 2005, at 14:31:33
Your responses mean so much - I appreciate them so much. I hear everything you all say, but am stuck where I am for the time being.
I can't help think that you are looking through my filters, that I am actually all wrong, that he is right, butbecause you only hear my skewed side of things, he seems all wrong.
He didn't telephone me. I only half expected him to. Other times, in the first 3 or 4 years of therapy, when I left, he telephoned.
I think I just have to let him go, have to let this end, even if this end is a bad one. But I want to hurt myself because it feels like the only way to get this hurt out is to hurt myself. I won't, it's too hurtful to those I love, but I want to want to, like hunger.
It's the BPD thing, we always come back to self-destruction. This therapy was a failure. I feel I have failed. I have failed everything. What am I doing? Why do I react this way? Is it an addiction to intensity? Is it withdrawl from an addiction to therapy? Am I being the archtypical BPD? Why? WHy have I not changed? Why am I still here up to here in caca? I am supposed, after 7 years of therapy, to be past this.
ANd he didn't even call, the sh*t.
I'm completely nuts.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:513787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/514167.html