Posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:18:53
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 19, 2005, at 17:14:37
I agreed to go back to India I guess because I was feeling very lonely here. And my hsuband's condition for hte marriage was that. I agreed thinking he would change his mind.
But it is not specific to this India/US. I have been this way for a long time even before this whole India/US issue came into play. I wonder how I survived all these years. The past two years, when I had my exT, it was some consolation. I wanted to be well veyr much, and I kind of managed to stop worrying. Now that he is gone, I am back to what I was before. Only now I realize things myself.
I am extensive worrier. I worry about all things. Today I saw star wars - the latest release, and I was worrying what if I become bad like Annaken one day. All very stupid things.. but I worry anyway.
I think I was extremely confused as a child.. I was the guinea pig for my dad in lots of things. HE threw all his ideas on me, without realizing if it was appropriate for my age. I was taught about all unwanted things way too early.. When I was 10 - 11, I knew about politics, philosophy, and so many different things. And I think I just accumulated so much of unwanted information over the years, and I don't know how to make sense out of it all. I have tried my best to make a meaningful view of life, but it is overwhelming with the amount of information that I have. And my husband is into a religious cult, so now I have to deal with two extremely conflicting views. And I am caught in the middle and don't know what to make out of what.
Sometimes I think I will die pretty young.. with so much of confusion and contradictions and worries.
And I am so scared of my health.. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and they treated me with lot of experimental drugs, and the possible side effects listed scared the sh*t out of me. I was also all alone in the US while I was taking these medicines, and I was really scared to death. So that is how my fear of illness started.
poster:pinkeye
thread:499933
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500071.html