Posted by cricket on May 11, 2005, at 9:53:56
In reply to Re: Zero Feelings (Possible Trigger) » cricket, posted by annierose on May 10, 2005, at 17:28:32
AnnieRose,
I am a mother too, but nothing much changed for me with that. Well, my T thinks that my relationship with my son is a very healthy and healing one but it doesn't make me think about my own childhood at all.
But maybe that's because my child is a boy. It took me seeing my mother with my little niece that made me realize a little bit of what I went through with my mother.
It was my niece's 5th birthday. My mother pointed at the little paper tablecloth, which said something like Beautiful Princess, and asked my niece what it said. My niece, with a big eager to please smile, said, "It says Happy Birthday." My mother pulled on me and said in this big stage whisper voice, "You see, she knows nothing. Nothing. Not even her letters. And they are sending her to Kindergarten. They are making a big mistake. And on top of that she is spoiled rotten. She'll have her rude awakening when she goes to school and she finds out that the world does not revolve around her. She'll get hers."
Meanwhile, this tiny little girl, not yet 5 years old, is staring up at us with these big round eyes and she knows something is being said about her and she might not know what exactly it is but she knows that it is not good.
I just pulled away from my mother and said, "She is listening to every word you're saying."
Then slowly it began to dawn on me that I went to live with my mother right before I turned 5, the exact same age as my niece. And that horrible, vicious ridicule and contempt must have be directed at me not just during the occasional get-together but every single day.
Excuse the long reply, but I guess I am trying to connect to it. It doesn't come easy though.
poster:cricket
thread:496131
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/496358.html