Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2005, at 2:59:25
In reply to Re: Something that interests me., posted by happyflower on May 5, 2005, at 0:27:17
I don't think all feelings are transference or projection. If your therapist double books you and you have to leave without seeing him and you're darned mad, for that therapist to suggest that you're experiencing transference or projection would be an unconcionable avoidance of his responsibilities.
I think transference and projection might get a bad name because they're used mostly in therapy. In truth, we transfer and project everywhere we go. Some of us more than others, but all of us at times. And it probably never does any of us any good, which is why we address them in therapy.
If you feel yourself having a reaction that seems way out of proportion, you might want to think transference. In any relationship.
If you think your therapist has one nice rear, and he really does, that's not transference. But if you think your therapist is the one perfect person with whom you have a mystical connection, two souls who deeply recognize each other, on the basis of hourly or even three times a week one hour sessions where he wears his therapist hat, you might want to at least consider transference. Because it's his job to understand you, he puts aside his own concerns to do so, and chances are as good that he's an insensitive lout outside the therapy room as that he's a saint. At the very least, he's probably as annoying as any other man on the planet.
But that's probably true in lots of situations. Transference and projection take part in all our relationships. We just recognize them a bit more quickly after therapy.
Which is not to say that *all* our experiences with or feelings for our therapists are transference.
I think I remember reading once, and I'm probably mangling it, that there are three marriages. The one the husband is experiencing, the one the wife is experiencing, and the one that actually exists.
poster:Dinah
thread:493400
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/493979.html