Posted by messadivoce on April 22, 2005, at 1:36:55
In reply to physical holding, posted by crazymaisie on April 21, 2005, at 23:20:25
The T's I have had would not ascribe to this type of relationship. Especially my first T. He was very psychodynamic in nature and even when we hugged once, it was fair game for lots of discussion. I think he would say that it's important to talk about the longing to be touched and held instead of acting on it. I had a lot of transference, oedipal and sexual, that would have made that kind of touch very devastating for me.
I'm a little concerned for you because you say that you have transference/sexual feelings about her. Do you ever talk to her about them and explore them and try to understand them? Or does the touch you have in the relationship get in the way of talking about it? Are you afraid that if you bring it up, she will stop holding you?
You also said that you have played the role of caretaker in the past. Do you ever feel like the physical holding is something you do to fulfill her own needs? I only ask because I'm of the opinion that the T should NOT be in the relationship to get her own needs met. I believe that a T should be thoughtful enough to judge how their actions are going to impact the client before making any decisions about touch or other boundaries. If you are worried and asking "is this going to end in tears" then that would set off an alarm in my head. In my opinion, you shouldn't have to ask those kinds of questions.
Re-reading this, it seems awfully harsh. I'm sorry if it is, but I'm more concerned for you and how this may impact you. I really believe that touch is very primal and visceral, and that the therapy relationship is already charged enough without adding that extra element. I'd also like to add that my own T was far from perfect. He was very careful about boundaries, I think a little too careful in the end, and it ended up hurting me deeply. It still does hurt. It is such a fine line that T's walk, and after all they are only fallible human beings.
poster:messadivoce
thread:487743
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/487775.html