Posted by Tamar on April 20, 2005, at 10:50:53
In reply to Re: **possible trigger** tamar/antigua, posted by B2chica on April 20, 2005, at 9:35:47
Hi B2C,
> with the first time(reg.sex) i froze and sort of removed from what was happening. it seemed like that was less on him and more on me cuz i froze. my T said that no man nomatter what should NEVER assume a woman wants him especially if she says no even once (which i did but my voice started to get lost- along with me). he says that i probably dissociated at that time.
Yes, I can imagine you dissociated, especially if it happened after the forced oral sex. And it’s true: if you said no he shouldn’t have done it. Actually, even if you didn’t say no, he should have realised that you weren’t participating and he should have stopped. It’s not actually difficult for a man to notice that a woman doesn’t want sex. If he just doesn’t care then it’s abuse.
> What's strange is if someone were to tell me the exact same story that happened to them i would deam it as R no question...but me?...there were just so many 'out's' that i see i could have taken but didn't.
Well, it’s easier to see ‘outs’ after the event. At the time, though, it’s almost impossible to move. Even before the assault starts, the atmosphere of the situation usually means it’s too frightening to run away. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It really wasn’t your fault that you froze. It’s very normal and happens to many many women in that situation. It was the same for me.
I hope your appointment tonight with your T goes well.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:486364
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/486941.html