Posted by Pfinstegg on April 10, 2005, at 21:20:09
In reply to Re: Long time no see! » Pfinstegg, posted by daisym on April 10, 2005, at 0:40:08
I do talk a lot bout my intense feelings of shame. He always points out that I didn't do anything to be so ashamed of- my father did. But, you know, it is so complicated, because I somehow do feel that it is my fault. That I did something to encourage it, because of wanting so much to be loved- and, hardest of all to face, it was both terrifying and pleasurable (a little bit). I'm pretty shaky now about all of this, but I am aware of how strong, calm. loving and understanding my analyst is- I know I can count on him. I have had real outbursts of rage and anger at him, and I am slowly learning that he really doesn't turn against me because of it. He wants to know what's happening!
I'm once again giving unsolicited advice, but, if I were to do it over again, I would never have put that first SSRI pill in my mouth. They helped a lot at first, but, in the longer run, they can deplete your dopamine, and that it a horrible feeling- you don't care about anything, and the things and relationships that once gave meaning and pleasure to life no longer do. This is just my personal experience- not everyone's by any means. But it was shocking to me to see how different their long-term effects were
as compared to the short-term ones, which were wonderful. As you are talking to your pdoc, remember that not everyone has such a disappointing experience with the SSRI's. Also, the immediate effects can be really helpful, so, if you decide on one of those (or an SNRI), i think it would be good to think about using them for a relatively short period of time, perhaps a year or two, and then having a longer-term plan- perhaps without them. I'm sure others here, especially on the medications board, can give their experiences you if you ask.I am now doing much better without any medications at all- just the thyroid supplements, fish oil and vitamins. But the therapy has probably made that possible, as I think I really did need the medications before. I still do experience horrible periods of pain, but I do feel that my analyst is truly *with* me now, inside, and that I can comfort myself, at least a bit, by drawing on the knowledge that he is really with me.
Just to make note of the fact that I feel I am coming back to life, I won a blue ribbon in dressage this morning in the gorgeous spring Virginia countryside!
I am very interested in what your pdoc suggests.
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:480204
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/482569.html