Posted by fallsfall on March 26, 2005, at 8:39:22
In reply to Re: how old are they now? » fallsfall, posted by Shortelise on March 26, 2005, at 0:11:42
Thanks, Shortelise.
Your response, as well as a couple of friends I talked to, says a couple of things to me.
1. B is not responsible for "fixing" A's upbringing. B is not A's therapist, she is her friend (I get these mixed up a lot myself).
2. Friendships wax and wane. Friends change and friendships may end as a result. That is part of the nature of friendships (i.e. they have no mandate to continue the way that relatives "have" to remain related).
3. B has every right to have requirements for other's behavior who she will be friends with. And A has the right to refuse to meet those requirements.
4. B can love A, but not want to spend large amounts of time with her.
5. This "falling out" doesn't mean that they can NEVER spend time together. (I am such a black and white person... sigh)
6. B can by sympathetic to A's plight without accepting A's immature behavior. I.E. she can like A as a person but dislike A's behavior (this is another one that is hard for me - when I was growing up, behavior *was* the person).
7. It is not my job to "save" either one of them, nor to save their friendship.
8. The world will not end if they stop being friends.
That said, I think my role is to help B to understand why A might be acting the way she is, and encourage B to reach out in loving ways within her boundaries. I need to see that this is part of the process of relationships. I can help B to know that her requests and boundaries are reasonable.
This is one of those situations that pushes all of my buttons. Thanks for helping me think it through.
poster:fallsfall
thread:475388
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/475734.html