Posted by 10derHeart on March 3, 2005, at 16:56:19
In reply to missing my ex t, posted by pinkeye on March 3, 2005, at 13:29:04
I'm sorry, pinkeye. Dreams can be so powerful and it's the lingering on that really gets to me. Recurring, too? That might make me begin to dread going to sleep...yikes.
This may be a clumsy way to describe this, but your unconscious is maybe "at war" a bit with the more centered, confident, optimistic, giving pinkeye that I've detected in your recent posts. Maybe trying to drag you back somewhere...but I'm not quite getting a picture of why....unless something did happen lately?
Don't I recall you posting quite a bit - a while back - about this being such a persistent and painful fear - that he just didn't like you, but "had" to care for you in the ways he did? If I'm remembering close to right, posters reminded you of his actions speaking louder than anything -how much support he gave "above and beyond" and how that says everything about him liking you, despite that nagging, inner doubt. At least that's how I would roughly paraphrase what I recall.
I really, really feel for you on this. You know I do as I am still detaching VERY slowly from ex-T. 8 months post-termination. You and I share some awfully similar descriptions, feelings, and struggles, though at different points on a timeline. Wish I could make it hurt less. It's just hard period, I guess. Don't take this wrong, but your posts about it scared me and affirmed things for me, all at once. You understand the scary part, I think, 'cause you posted to me some wise things to expect, or look out for.
Wonderful blessings like T.s willing to treat each termination as unique to that person, and take a risk maintaining contact, can also be burdens, too. Like many other things in life. If only we could hang onto just the blessing part a little tighter, and release the sad, doubting other stuff. I am in the midst of it all myself.
Don't know what else to say right now. I wish that dream to go away for you. IMO, it simply represents your worst fears, not anything true or real. Wish I could talk to your unconscious - I'd tell it to stop that if there's no good purpose - enough is enough. ((pinkeye))
poster:10derHeart
thread:465969
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/466082.html