Posted by Daisym on February 26, 2005, at 14:09:27
In reply to Session - Stuck?, posted by Speaker on February 26, 2005, at 13:34:04
There are a couple of possibilities, I'm sure you've thought about them.
Without feeling cared for and completely accepted, retelling old stories can be retraumatizing. You need to trust that he will stop you when it gets too awful, that you can call if you can't contain your feelings and that he cares about you and won't hurt you like you were hurt before.
But...you can be using this (not on purpose of course) to avoid going into the stories and your feelings about csa. I know I do this. I have a good friend who is a retired therapist and her favorite line with me is "and how much time did that take away from the REAL issue?" I have a pattern of testing him -- then telling him something awful -- and testing him again.
The other possibility is that there is a part of you that knows that by bringing out this painful stuff, therapy is going to get so very hard. And you are going to want to run from therapy and your therapist ('cause he is the source of the pain, our twisted selves say) and you need to trust that he cares enough about you to not let you run from him. I've said to my therapist, "There are times I want to quit, to cancel, or to talk about the weather. Please don't let me do that." He always says he won't, and he hasn't. When I've tried, he will remind me, "you've asked me to not let you back off. I think you should keep coming, etc." I know it is ultimately my choice. But I also know I have that in place when I can't do it for myself.
I've been meaning to ask this for awhile...how much experience does your therapist have working with trauma clients? We can be so hard! :(
Hang in there. I know this is really hard. I feel for you.
poster:Daisym
thread:463767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/463784.html