Posted by mair on February 3, 2005, at 7:54:12
My husband, 19 year old son, and I went into a restaurant last night. As soon as I walked in I thought I could spot my therapist across the room. WHen we went to be seated, the hostess seated us at the adjoining table. My T's back was to the table so I don't know whether she knew we were there or not. The woman she was having dinner with is also someone we know, not super well, but our kids used to play sports together. My son was furious with us over something too involved to recount, and he was really kind of berating us in a way that was easily going to lead to an argument. Maybe he wasn't particularly loud in the grand scheme of things but he sounded loud to me and he had a pretty awful tone of voice. I don't know if my T could hear him but I of course imagined that she could. I actually handed him a note telling him to please tone it down since I knew someone at the next table, but that barely mollified him. Eventually my husband basically cut him off, and he calmed down, we moved on to different subjects and managed to get through dinner fine. But it made me incredibly tense for the rest of the meal and therafter. I felt bad that I was somehow intruding on my T's private space - that I should have asked to be seated in another section of the restaurant, and mortified that she may have heard what was happening with my son. Although I certainly couldn't hear any of her conversation with her friend, her back was to us; my son was facing toward their table so he might have been easier to hear. And she might well have been able to hear my husband because their chairs were backed up to each other. When she and her friend got up to leave, she acted surprised to see me (maybe she was, but I wonder) - she did say hello to me because I've told her that's ok. My husband and I had a fairly brief conversation with her companion and then they left.
Later that night, I had trouble sleeping because I was really pretty shaken by this encounter. I mean if she did hear it all, it shouldn't make a difference because she knows my son is a high maintenance, sometimes demanding child - he's been the focus of lots of sessions. Still I really wish this hadn't happened.
Ordinarily I'd have therapy today but it got switched to tomorrow. I don't particularly want to talk about this, maybe because it was awkward and embarrassing, if she got the drift of what was going on. If she did hear what was going on with my son, she may think it strange that I don't mention it. If she didn't hear anything, she may still think it strange that I don't at least mention having run into her. We've been discussing in detail lately things she can do differently in a session to make it easier for me to feel more connected to her and for me to feel that she understands me better - this arose out of a discussion about notetaking which is mentioned in a thread up above. One of the things we discussed is that she feels she needs to get a better sense right from the start of how I'm actually feeling when I come there, so she thinks that's maybe how we should be starting sessions - by talking about how I'm feeling. (I tend to disguise my feelings well behind a veneer of composure and stoicism) I'm sure tomorrow my anxiety level will be off the charts, all the more so, because I'm going to be anticipating her desire to talk about something I just as soon not discuss.
I'm really dreading it. I don't know if I should act as if she couldn't hear us or act as if she could.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:452323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050129/msgs/452323.html