Posted by pretty_paints on January 26, 2005, at 7:26:27
Hi guys,
Ok, I just wanted to see how many of you were seeing a psychiatrist for meds, and a therapist for talk treatment?
Have any of you been prescribed with a specific diagnosis? Schizophrenia, bipolar, MPD, PTSD, OCD, etc. What has been your therapists response to this? Have they agreed with the diagnosis and work alongside your pdoc? Or have they completely denied that the disorder even exists?
I'd be really interested to hear any stories about this. I find the whole subject difficult - integrating therapy with meds. Who to believe, etc.
Ok, this is my story. Well at the start of the year I left Uni with massive depression. I started seeing a therapist in around June. Around the same time I started seeing a psychiatrist. I have no history of abuse in my life, or even anything unpleasant to be honest. There was nothing I could think of that could have caused the depression. However, my therapist managed to come up with a few things. My relationship with my mum, she wasn't that affectionate when I was a child. Not horrible, just not overly affectionate. And I may have internalised this as her not caring about me or me not being careworthy. So yes, I can see how this has affected my life. There are also some other minor issues.
Anyway in about August I was admitted to hospital for a severe psychotic episode. It turns out that I had been psychotic all along, but had been too depressed to mention any of it. Besides, I thought all my thoughts were true, so why would I question any of them.
Since I've been out I've been on various antipsychotic and although I have still not found the right one, I feel MASSIVELY better on them than ever before. At first it was thought I might have psychotic depression, but now the doc says although she is not 100% sure, she thinks it is psychotic not depressive in origin. And thinks it more likely that my thoughts have been going gradually wrong over years, till the point where they got so bad I became profoundly depressed. She says it is likely to be something that comes under the umbrella of schizophrenia.
To me, it all makes sense. So many things that confused the hell out of me before I went on AP's, now have gone. I feel like things have shifted from being blurry and out of focus and terrifying, to suddenly clicking back into place. There has never really been anything substantial from therapy. That's NOT TO SAY it isn't worthwhile, definately it is. But yes, issues with my mum, sure. But at the end of the day, we get on great now. And everyone tends to have SOME issue or another from childhood - it shouldn't stop them from eating, breathing, leaving the house, being constantly terrified, the way it was for me before I went on AP's.
Anyway. I don't know what my therapist's reaction will be if I get a definitive diagnosis. We once talked about bipolar (I'm not bipolar, we were just randomly chatting about it), and she said she thought that people could have a leaning towards it but that events in their life bring it outand maybe even cause it (?). Well I don't agree with that. I believe that it's a disorder caused by chemicals in the brain being unbalanced, and I believe that people need meds to control this - not 100% of the time, but in most cases.
So what if she has a similar view about psychosis? It's really difficult because a while ago I had this feeling that a guy from my past was constantly following me and watching me. This was psychotic, and the AP's got rid of it. But every time a "psychotic" thought comes up, she doesn't seem to recognise it as one. She seems to want to delve into it and analyse it, and take it 100% at face value. Like another psychotic thought I had was that a cousin of mine had raped me. He hadn't. I don't know how that thought came about. But she comes up with all these creative explanations, like maybe I am saying that he raped me to get attention off my mum, etc etc.
I just don't know how a medical diagnosis and therapy can go hand in hand. I feel really stuck. Deep down I really believe that yes, I have had some general issues in my life, but no more than the average person. I think there is something happening in my brain which, gradually over the years has resulted in these psychotic thoughts. I believe that I need a lot of support (through therapy yes) and help, to get through this difficult time. I believe I need antipsychotics to control these thoughts, and at the moment, antidepressants, to help my mood. I believe the depression has largely been caused by my life/thoughts going off the rails over the last 5 years. I think I need therapy to go back over my life, AND to go back over what has been happening since I first got ill, and how I can put things right now. Also, the therapy helps with psychotic ideas that I have had for the past 5 years. They are stuck very firmly in my head and it feels very difficult to see things any other way.
So what happens if she doesn't "buy" the diagnosis?
What happens if she has radically different views on these "medical diagnoses"?
Can anyone give me any positive support, I'd be very grateful!! Sorry my post has been so long and rambly, but my head feels very confused about all this.
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poster:pretty_paints
thread:447985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050122/msgs/447985.html