Posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 17:18:23
In reply to Re: How Did You Choose Your Therapist? » daisym, posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 14:02:23
I had no idea what I needed or wanted when I started out. I really wanted my son's therapist because I already knew him, he already knew I was falling apart and he already knew so much of our family stuff. But he was clear that he couldn't take me on as a client because of my son and in retrospect, he wouldn't have been a good fit for me. He was too young, he is very CBT oriented and our paths have crossed now professionally several times because he does work with kids. He actually referred me to his boss, a woman who started the practice that he had interned in and was now working for. When I first met her I thought, "here is a person who will understand the stress of running a business and not tell me to just take a bath." I liked her well enough the first meeting, she said she understood that I couldn't fall apart during sessions because I needed to go back to work after. She promised she'd keep me together. And she felt like she had a handle on living with someone with pain. In our second meeting, she told me that my husband needed therapy (no kidding) and that my problems were all related to me being unhappy in my marriage. Not exactly wrong, but not nearly the full picture either. She made some reference to my son's therapist manipulating "dad" into coming to sessions with "son". And she sat across the room, in a straight back chair, up against the wall taking notes the whole time. And she called out my body language continuously. I made a third appointment, cancelled it, rescheduled it and finally a month later kept it. I told her I was doing so much better (a lie) and she said great, but that there was a lot of work to do. I declined and she ended with, "I think I could help you stop being such a good little actress all the time." I smiled and said, "no thank you" and bolted. She probably had my number but she was so pushy and so abrasive I felt the need to protect myself from her constantly.
The other therapist had a sign in her office about Goddess stuff and she told me I was going to kill myself if I didn't stop working so hard. And she did this whole hand holding exercise thingy about intimacy. She did bring out some of my tears and she hugged me when she saw them. Wrong move! I never went back. But my best friend loves her so go figure...
So I guess by the time I met my therapist I knew that I didn't want 1) someone who wanted to touch me, 2) someone who felt free to criticize me 3) someone who would manipulate. I tried a guy because the women were such a failure. But now that I look at it, given the issues I have with my mom, I don't think I could have done this work with a woman. My therapist thinks I could have, but it would have taken a very long time. (Like it isn't now?) The other thing that happened is that he didn't have any forms, or papers or anything right away. He said, "tell me why you are here." And he let me talk. And at the end of the hour he said, "I think we can work together. Do you want to come back?" He was very nonthreatening, and I didn't know I needed that. So I didn't feel the need to immediately prove how together I was.
Wow, this is a really long answer to a short question. Sorry about that. I guess given the fact that I had my first pdoc appointment this week, I've been thinking about these initial meetings.
poster:daisym
thread:442549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050111/msgs/442878.html