Posted by mair on January 3, 2005, at 22:08:56
In reply to Re: Idealizing, posted by Toph on January 3, 2005, at 17:24:44
Did you idealize him before this argument? I had a similar experience which stuck with me for a long time. For a few years I saw a pdoc who was also my T. He took a leave of absence for a few months and left me in the hands of a colleague who was part of a group of psychologists in his office who were splitting off to form their own practice. The break up was contentious and i frankly felt caught in the middle. When he returned, I decided I wanted to take a break from therapy and in what was supposed to be our last session for awhile, I sort of blew up at him about what I perceived to be the lack of communication and coordination between he and his colleague during his absence. He told me it was really unfair of me to raise this when I did, particularly since I was disinclined to hang around long enough to explain myself more clearly. I felt bad about the way I left things and made another appointment during which I apologized. He accepted the apology as if it was totally merited and never really tried to get me to process what had happened with him. I saw him off and on for over a year after that and I really felt that he had drawn away from me - almost like I had hurt him and he was determined not to be hurt by me again. He got tons less proactive about treating me. Of course I felt that it was all my fault. What happened with him has come up a couple of times with my current T and she's been very critical of him for not owning up to his part of what happened and for not working to find a way to help me process this exchange.
I'm not at all sure that I ever idealized this T, but I think I wanted to feel better about our relationship, and this incident pretty much prevented that from ever happening.
I'm not sure that this has anything to do with the idealization that I think goes on here.
I've sort of been all over the place in how I've felt about Bob and his administration of this site, but I don't think I've ever put him on the high pedestal some others have.Mair
poster:mair
thread:436049
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/437442.html