Posted by Dinah on January 1, 2005, at 22:00:01
In reply to therapy v's non-therapy relationships, posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2005, at 16:17:05
For me, it's not so much a matter of talking. The most important thing is just *being*. I have to confess that my therapist is not so unbelievably insightful that every session is a new learning experience. And I've long since used up his store of knowledge on CBT, though he still tries to persuade me that some aren't as stupid as they seem.
If you'll forgive the infant comparison, because I'm not saying the relationship is the same. I'm just saying the difficulty in describing is the same.
It's like a mother. You could say, a baby or child doesn't need a mother. It can receive nourishment from a bottle, warmth from an incubator, learning from a computer, medical aid for boo boo's from a nurse. It can get all it's needs met without a mother. (or father, it's an example not a try at gender stereotyping)
But that's just not true. A mother can be described as doing all those things, but that's not what a mother is and that's not the primary need a mother fills.
A therapist can be described as performing any number of functions, and all those functions can be filled by various other people. But that's not what a therapist is, and that's not the primary need a therapist fills.
You can't break a therapist into his parts any more than you can a mother or father or spouse.
I do know that I'm lucky. And I hope that one day you are as fortunate as I am, if you think that sort of relationship would be useful to you.
And the nature of this sort of therapy is such that it can't be done with interchangeable therapists. There is too much a personal and intimate basis to it.
But I agree that there is a danger to it. To me the danger isn't so much that the therapist will deliberately or subconsciously use the client to his own advantage (perhaps I'm overly optimistic). The danger is in the possibility of loss. I still have firm plans to kill myself if I am abandoned. I'll admit that that probably isn't particularly healthy. Based on my experience losing my dad, it is possible that shock will lessen the blow enough to avert that outcome. And my therapist *is* aware of my plans and would ideally remember and take the appropriate steps.
poster:Dinah
thread:436168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/436596.html