Posted by messadivoce on December 30, 2004, at 23:10:24
I am missing my old T soooo much this week. I thought this morning that I don't even get to see my new T for another week. I haven't seen her for 2 weeks now, and although she doesn't mean as much to me as my old T, it's always nice to check in with her.
I feel like he's slipping away little by little and it scares me. I haven't talked to him in 3 months and it seems like years. I do have a letter that I will send him after New Year's but I think the school he works at will be on vacation til January 18th so I wonder when he will get it. Probably I won't hear from him for another month and then it will never be like it was when we were close and I could talk to him about the things that hurt me.
I wish I had a recording of his voice or that I could call his voice mail, but I don't even have that. He did call me a few times when I was in treatment but I always picked up and he never had a chance to leave a message. All I have is his picture and a little river rock he gave me my last session. And a thousand memories that are getting a little worn.
I have the feeling that my new T is getting tired of re-hashing my feelings about this at every session. Or maybe I'm projecting that onto her. But she seems to want to move on to more pertinent issues and I just feel stuck in that same spot.
When I read Daisy's posts about her T, it makes me think of the one I miss. They seem so much alike, so kind and tenderhearted. I know that somewhere in my heart it will always be May, and I will always be watching the man I love walk away from me. It's not a new story to me. The details may be different each time, but the story is the same.
poster:messadivoce
thread:435873
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/435873.html