Posted by LG04 on December 21, 2004, at 22:25:42
In reply to Planet Clueless, posted by messadivoce on December 20, 2004, at 2:17:31
my mom is just like your parents. it has taken me years and years to accept this about her and sometimes i still get upset and angry. it's not about us, it's about their inability to deal with these issues.
i work hard to realize that my mom is good for certain things but not others. (I guess like most people, but with her it's more painful) I can talk to her about non-threatening issues (like being upset that my car broke down or that i am mad at my boss or whatever) but if it comes even close to deep feelings or family-related issues or therapy or anything of that sort, she just can't hear it. and if i expect her to, then i just get hurt. a lot of times i have to say to myself silently (when she ignores something i've said or doesn't ask the questions i want her to ask, etc.), "It's about her, it's not about me. she can't deal with it, it's her limitation. it doesn't reflect on me at all. she needs to stay in her denial, it's her protection."
it will involve a grieving process...that our parents can't be there for us the way we want/ed them to...but the good news is that we are no longer kids and we have other resources available to us to help us with these issues.
you are not crazy. but yes, in some ways, you have landed on a different planet. maybe a book of affirmations for people in recovery can help, or phoning a friend who supports you, or going to a 12-step meeting (filled with people who are trying to become healthier and deal with their issues), these are a few things that help me stay centered/grounded. i need people who can reflect my reality...who can reflect me. that's how i find myself again when i am feeling lost or swept aside.
good luck,
LG
poster:LG04
thread:431958
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/432672.html