Posted by LG04 on December 21, 2004, at 0:45:05
In reply to Re: Interesting dilemma » Miss Honeychurch, posted by judy1 on December 20, 2004, at 18:46:45
Hi Judy,
My former theraprist and I have discussed the idea of becoming friends. (we live in different countries and I will be visiting probably every summer for years to come...) It's not an easy thing to think about. Neither of us are certain about it. We are going thru a very slow termination process (now it's over the phone, long-distance) to reduce/eliminate dependency and transference issues, and she firmly believes we will need a "time-out" from the relationship (not speaking at all for a period of time) and then we can figure out if we want to try a friendship.
For a while the idea of a friendship appealed to me greatly. But I think I have become more realistic about it and I see the down sides. What I mostly tell myself is that I can't really make a decision about it right now. I am still in a therapeutic relationship with her and it's like trying to see the view from the bottom of the mountain. I don't know how I'll feel when I no longer feel dependent upon her. I do feel that the long termination is very helpful to me. I'm doing things at my pace and I think I'm making a lot of progress.
She doesn't feel that it is unethical to become friends, just that it has to be done very carefully, very thoughtfully, and very slowly, if it is to happen. She has practiced for 17 years and has never become friends with a former client. So it's not something she does often, obviously.
We have a very close, very special relationship and I would never want her to not be in my life and I know she feels the same way, though she has always made it very clear that if I decide to not be friends, even if I decide I only want to call her maybe once a year to say hi, that would be okay with her. She has said that she will be here for me forever, whether as a former therapist who I speak to only once in a great while (or more), or a friend.
So basically it's something that we will deal with at a future date (though of course I think about it now and she does too, both the positives and the negatives). I used to worry about it a lot but I don't so much anymore. Knowing that she will continue to be in my life in some form is enough for me; the exact future parameters aren't as important.
I will be interested to hear how the lunch goes with your former P-doc. Good luck.
LG04
p.s. By the way, I have a first appointment with a new therapist this Thursday and I am very anxious about it. But since I am still in close touch with my former therapist, I think it will be okay and won't make me miss my former therapist too terribly. Also she is a CBT so we won't go into too deep of stuff, I am not ready for another intense therapy relationship. On the phone I told this new therapist about my relationship with my former therapist and that I still speak with her often, and she said that my relationship with her (former T) and the boundaries that we have set up are our business, and she has no problem with it.
poster:LG04
thread:431697
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/432329.html