Posted by daisym on December 12, 2004, at 15:58:18
In reply to no agression here, honest! » Notaliseliz, posted by Gabbix2 on December 12, 2004, at 12:52:13
I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm sure my experiences bias my thinking. I did try to put a disclaimer before my comments that they were not directed at any one person. So it wasn't meant to be aggressive. Just a caution to not be too quick to dismiss this stuff as "child's play." As you said yourself, sometime a person needs help more than kindness, though I don't think they are mutually exclusive.
I have often tried to figure out why these things happen. It would be my guess that most of us who were abused want answers to the question "why?" I worked up the courage a while ago to ask my therapist if he had ever treated an abuser, or would he? He was very thoughtful in his answer. He said that most of the time you establish a relationship with a client and then stuff comes out. So to say that he wouldn't treat a person who had done this would send up abandonment flags for me. (What if I told him something really bad and he dumped ME?) But to say he would might make me wonder "how could he after witnessing all of my pain?" After much exploration of the subject, we ultimately figured out that I was asking if my dad could have received treatment and was now "cured". I think I was trying to figure out how I could, or why I, still love him and have a relationship with him. We've worked on this a lot.
I'm sorry for your pain and I certainly am not trying to add too it. I think it is good that you are trying to get help for yourself and recognize that there were most likely underlying motivating factors. I've never been a big fan of beating oneself up over things that happened way in the past that you stopped doing and haven't done since. But this is really complicated stuff. And it certainly isn't for me to judge you or your actions.
Ultimately, I think forgiveness must come from who ever was hurt, yourself and your God, if you believe in one. Living a productive, healthy life, loving your children, etc. are all admirable things. Life is, after all, about balancing our mistakes with our successes.
Good luck. I don't know much about e-therapy, except that it exists. I think there is a link from here to a site that offers it. I hope you find the help you seek.
poster:daisym
thread:427284
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/428400.html