Posted by smokeymadison on December 10, 2004, at 18:52:10
In reply to Child abuse=abuser? PLEASE RESPOND, posted by Notaliseliz on December 10, 2004, at 13:37:08
hey,
i am speaking as someone who was molested by a 13 year old neighborboy when i was 8. The experience did some damage, but as a one-time event, i have been able to deal with it and move on. what i am trying to say is that you most likely did not ruin those kids lives or cause damage that can't be undone. there were so many other factors in my life at work in how i have turned out.i am so sorry that you can't put this behind you. you need some closure. i too have scrutinized all my past memories for more memories of abuse. i have considered hypnosis. maybe it is something you might want to look into? i don't have any personal experience with it, but i have heard that it can be helpful if you have to know. on the other hand, it is possible to leave your past unknown and to work on the here and now.
i know that often, when you look at the history of abusers, you find abuse, but not very many abused kids turn out to be abusers themselves. i wouldn't worry so much that those kids you abused have abused others. the possibility exists, but is not that great.
i don't believe that it is possible to be evil. people are neither good nor bad. it is peoples' actions that are harmful or helpful. you may never fully understand why you did what you did, and that is all right. please know that you do have the right to be at peace with yourself. beating yourself up over what you did so many years ago only hurts you and those you love. if you don't love or accept yourself, it is impossible to love others unconditionally.
that boy who abused me--i forgave him a long time ago. and i truly hope that he has forgiven himself. i wish you all the best. i suggest that you keep trying to find a good therapist--because they are out there--and work through this.
poster:smokeymadison
thread:427284
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/427422.html