Posted by simcha on December 5, 2004, at 23:46:41
In reply to Re: simcha, posted by Susan47 on December 5, 2004, at 22:06:26
Yes,
And consider this... When you go in for surgery (and the analogy is apt for therapy for those of us who have walked the path) the surgeon explains what they are going to do and what you might expect. Yet, in the end, each person is different and the effects in recovery vary greatly. They can't predict it. Neither can therapists.
Some things must be held by the therapist until the client's ego structure has grown enough to be able to handle what is actually happening.
Like denial: It is not my job to pop someone's denial. It is my job to explore all of the detrimental debris of the tornado that is really in the room that the client can't see. It is a lack of respect for the client for me to point at the tornado and tell them that that is the monster that they MUST deal with to get better. It's much better and it honors the client's own ability to heal to hold certain things.
Those of you who have gone on-line and investigated are brilliant. That is precisely what the therapist is looking for. You find your way to wellness. We are guides. Guides on quests do not reveal the goal and the place where the querant is going. That would be arrogant. The guide may be wrong in their own judgments.
I honor my clients' abilities to heal themselves and walk their paths with them. I might point out a stone or a tree or a bramble along the way, but it is not my job to blow away coping techniques that have allowed many clients to cope most of their lives just fine without me.
The coping mechanisms have become maladaptive. It is up to the client to see that and to develop the new more adaptive mechanisms with the therapist's guidance.
We walk on a knife's edge in the room with clients. And yes, we make mistakes. I do in every session. And I point them out to the client. That way they can see that I am human too and I'm not some guru with all the answers coming from an infallible theory.
I never know the way therapy will turn out. If I did know, I would be arrogant and a terrible therapist.
Just my 2 cents....
I hope I have not offended anyone.
I've been in the client chair for ten years. Now that I'm on the other side and I've had almost three years of grad-school I can see why my therapists did not point out certain things to me at certain times. There were times I was not ready to let go of a coping mechanism. I was surviving using that maladaptive coping mechanism. If the therapist were to make me aware of it and take it away from me too soon without helping me find a new coping mechanism I don't know that I'd be writing these sentences....
So, I hope that I have not come across as some "know it all." After all, I've been at this only three-ish years. It takes at least a decade to become more sophisticated. And the good therapists I know tell me that they still have doubts about their abilities.
Simcha
poster:simcha
thread:420851
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/425049.html