Posted by TomV on December 3, 2004, at 19:37:40
In reply to terrifying experience (need advice), posted by tron22 on December 2, 2004, at 22:20:04
> Hi,
>
> I'm a 22 year old male diagnosed with panic disorder, ocd, and depression about 2 years ago, although I never got on meds.. I also suffer from GAD, but basically I think I have symptoms from any disorder related to stress/anxiety. Anyways, I was wondering if anyone has ever felt what i went through a few hours ago, which has left me a physical and emotional mess.... Here it goes:
>
> Several days ago, after a lot of stress, I began to feel detached from the world (derealization) this feeling in itself is scary enough, but even though it is very frightening, I can deal with it. Anyways, I was lying in bed earlier this evening reading, and this very odd feeling swept over me, nothing like I had ever felt before. It was the most disturbing feeling I have ever, ever felt. My thoughts began racing, and suddenly, I felt as though I was losing my mind, and that all my thoughts were leaving my body, like my whole identity was being taken away, and I was just a shell (like my brain/body wasn't mine). I had no symptoms of panic (sweating, palpitations, etc.), and physically remained very calm during this whole ordeal. However, inside my head, I was going nuts/and it felt like I was turning into nothing, like I had lost my ego, and my entire identity was gone. I have had many horrible panic attacks in the past, but this experience was much different, and much, much, more frightening. I honestly felt as though I could not take another moment of it, and would go insane/collapse into nothing right then. I know it sounds very weird/Freudish, but it was a very real process, and was by far the most frightening thing I have ever gone through. Strangely, while I was going through it, I only had a nominal sense of fear; it was so intense, that I was more confused/agitated, because of how unbearable/intense the whole thing was. The fear set in when the feeling slowly subsided (about 30minutes later) I'm at a loss of words, and am hoping someone can relate or shed some light on what I went through. I should mention that I am not doing drugs, and am not on any meds. This is the first time something like this has happened, and I am very scared it will happen again. I still feel very, very out of it, and the thought of it gives me chills. So, if anyone could give me their imput I would really appreciate it.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Jon
>Sounds like you had a depersonalization episode. I had them for 20 years. I basically describe them as panic attacks with no physical body symptoms (heart racing, heavy breathing, etc.). They occur in your head only and are uniquely frightening and very mentally painful.
They are illnesses of the unconcious mind. It's quite possible something is lurking deep beneath the surface that you are not aware of, and unable to deal with on your own. I dug down after 20 years (with the help of a T) and pulled out trauma I wasn't aware of (dad's death). My DP disorder subsided, but other problems then surfaced (deep grief, depression, etc.).
Just my two cents.
Tom
poster:TomV
thread:423576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/424132.html