Posted by sunny10 on November 18, 2004, at 14:55:58
In reply to Re: Depression and Genetics, posted by Froso on November 18, 2004, at 12:49:14
What I believe is that I suffer from my chemical depression BECAUSE of my upbringing. There are a lot of people out there who have chemical depression, and once medicated correctly, they are FINE. I don't. I suffer because it was ingrained deepdown inside me that I was no good- not worth a damn, can never do anything right no matter how much or what kind of meds they give me.
I know consciously that I am not completely horrible, but during day to day interactions with other people my emotional reactions are visceral- straight from the subconscious.
That's why I always express myself better in writing. Pause, think, type...set aside for later when I want to deal with it.... think, type, pause. You can't do that during a conversation with your SO, your friends, your co-workers, even a stranger at the local convenience store. Those are situations that mess me up, emotionally. I usually (read: not always) do the right things/say the right things, but I carry that subconscious anxiety away with me always, which drifts into depressive thoughts.
Does that make more sense?
I felt your pain when you said that the parent without rules didn't want you, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, my divorced mom didn't want any of her three children. Unfortunately, no one gave any of us a choice whether we'd prefer to live somewhere else. (My brother and sister's father was a physical abuser whom she divorced- my father didn't marry her when he found out she was having a third child, this one by him)I did give my son that choice. Hopefully, somewhere down the line he will see that.
I'm sorry if I upset you, Froso. As I look back on my life, and the things I did while mired deeply in depression, I can see that people have been right to call them "psychotic", too. I have just never been diagnosed that way.
-sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:416527
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/417532.html