Posted by Aphrodite on November 7, 2004, at 19:26:43
In reply to Re: another interesting article, posted by daisym on November 7, 2004, at 18:56:43
I am so much like you in that my day to day life is functional and normal and some would say successful (at least career-wise). My csa did not lead to promiscuity, though I see how that happens, but it did lead to deadening of emotions and more superficial relationships where I am more of a giver and never a taker. The parental neglect and abuse did not rob from me the capacity to love and to be a good mother myself, but it does cause me to be hypervigilant and overly protective. I always try to remind myself that, all things considered, I am very lucky.
However, what needs to be fixed is a hard time with self-soothing, a need to be in control, either feeling incredibly powerful by being in denial or totally weak by being flooded with memories. But sometimes I worry that what I am doing in trying to use therapy for happiness is missing out on the happiness that already abounds. I worry that the introspection and journeys to the past cause me to miss out on the joys around me that I cannot see or feel but know are there.
Most of all, I worry that I am ungrateful. There has been much pain, yes, but God gave me many strengths and opportunities, too. When I cry, "Why me?" my critical adult says, "Why *not* you? Would you like to suggest someone else?" But my therapist gives me all of these opportunities to cry out over all the hurt and rejection. I indulge myself in it. I'm addicted to it.
poster:Aphrodite
thread:412514
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041104/msgs/413034.html