Posted by daisym on October 23, 2004, at 2:59:15
In reply to I don't like these questions, posted by LittleGirlLost on October 22, 2004, at 19:23:23
I have struggled with this same issue for a very long time, months and months. I often say "I don't understand the intensity of this need to connect with you..." We've worked hard to examine this need and it is definately a very young part of me that was left too often, not seen, not heard and did not get her needs met. We talk a lot about secure and insecure attachments and my need to establish a safe base. My therapist is the first real safe base I've ever allowed...I need him instead of someone needing me. And this terrifies me. And it calls out in me this need to keep checking that he is still out there, holding me emotionally. Think of a young child and how they explore their environment but keep checking in to see where mom or dad are. Or a child who has been in daycare all day and has a melt down as soon as their safe person shows up...the regression that happens in therapy can call up these old feelings.
I have struggled to try to figure out if I'm feeding the monster by caving in and calling him or going for extra sessions. He feels that if we have lots of contact, I will grow more secure in my attachment and trust and the need to touch base so often will ease off.
Can you ask yourself if these feelings are very young? Does this feel like a maternal attachment?
The other thing we have done is worked on ways I can carry my therapist with me more, especially over the weekends. This was a weird concept for me at first because I felt like I wasn't supposed to internalize him, think about him or need to hear his reassurances in my own head. But I have learned that there is a whole idea about reforming and strengthing your core self by borrowing your therapist's core for awhile. This merging and separating is healing.It will get better soon. Hang in there.
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:406137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041016/msgs/406255.html