Posted by Daisym on October 22, 2004, at 2:55:35
In reply to How are you doing, daisy? » daisym, posted by mandinka on October 21, 2004, at 19:46:57
I'm killing myself working...
Seriously, It is 12:29am and I just got home. I have a three day meeting to prepare for and then a 2-day one right after. 5 days in a row! At least there will be very little time for any of my youngerselves to get out.
I've been thinking about what you wrote about shock. It feels like that sometimes, especially when big pieces of memory drop in. It is hard to keep rebuilding this puzzle. I feel like I don't have to the top so I don't even know what I'm supposed to be making. And even though I feel like I've been working on this forever, my therapist reminds me it is only been a year since I first told about being molested and only 6 months from figuring out a lot more happened. This is not long in the realm of trauma work, I'm told.
BTW, my therapist is a "guy" -- which I know is unusual for women who are working on csa issues. He is a psychotherapist and uses a lot of self-psychology principles. He believes in frozen ego-states and works with the different age states. He is one of the gentlest people I've ever met and has unflinchingly been there for me through all of this. And he can be pushy as hell! :) I can see him as much as 4x a week if I want/need to and we usually have a phone check in over the weekend if things are rocky. I've heard from all the critics about over-dependency, etc. but he has fought so hard to get me to depend on him that when I call, he is THRILLED that I reached out and followed through. In the beginning, I tended to hang up a lot.
Today we had a nonproductive support kind of session because I'm leaving for a few days. Even trying to do that was hard, there are so many sensitive topics. So we talked about eco-psychology and decided maybe I should try camping to help heal what hurts. (NO!) I tried to convience him that shoe-shopping therapy was so much better. Mostly we just talked about this past week and how it felt to talk with him about being suicidal and how he felt about it, etc. He's still worried, I can tell, but I did agree to another check in on Monday evening. Now I just have to make it through the next four days. Sigh.
Thanks for checking on me.
poster:Daisym
thread:405006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041016/msgs/405734.html