Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2004, at 9:11:22
In reply to Help! I don't understand my T, posted by Speaker on October 3, 2004, at 13:57:48
I definitely think you should talk to your therapist about it until you are satisfied with the answer.
But I'll tell you that mine is the same way. I don't *think* it's boundary drawing with him. He encourages me to make contact with him between sessions. I don't *think* it's fees, because once I gave him a book and offered to pay for his time while he read it. It took me about an hour and a half, but perhaps I should have asked him how fast a reader he was. I mentioned it once or twice but never saw the book again. Nor did he ever watch something that *he* had asked I loan to him.
With *my* therapist, I *think* that he's just disorganized.
My solution was to decide that overall the relationship was worth the problems and that I would find ways to work around it. So I no longer ask for what I am relatively sure he won't give. I accept his caring in the ways he's able to show it. Reading stuff or watching stuff unless I'm standing over his shoulder just is not one of those ways.
If I were his mom, I'd ground him, but I'm not. So I just bought a duplicate book (I actually bought it right after I gave it to him - do I know him or what?)
That's just my solution, and it is a typical solution of mine to reduce expectations to what I think it's likely I'll get. It might be a bad thing, I don't know. I just call it pragmatic, or in Linehan's terms "doing what works".
I'd still talk about it if it were occupying my mind though. Talking about it while he doesn't have the videotape might work better, to my pragmatic mind.
poster:Dinah
thread:398543
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/399103.html