Posted by alexis6 on September 24, 2004, at 19:50:27
Oh, lord....I feel so incredibly stupid about this, but I really feel like I have to get this out. I don't remember the last time I did something so juvenile.
My therapist had terminated my therapy in an email a few weeks ago out of the blue, and my new T had told me it was most likely excessive sexual countertransference and he couldn't deal with it. This had really, really bothered me because I didn't actually have much in the way of feelings towards him, he was pretty bland, and I started to think OMG could I have been flirting with him and not known, etc. I'm also still pretty angry that he refused to tell me anything about the termination aside from that it was "necessary".
He called the other day for my address to send me my files (I bet that was a call he dreaded making), fortunately I was at school, so he left a message requesting that I leave it and my consent on his machine. I don't know WHAT came over me, but after I did so, I told him that I had discussed the termination with my new T, and wanted to clear up a misunderstanding for "closure purposes".
It just sort of came out. I told him that I was confused about his ending therapy because I hadn't thought he was "playing on my team", so to speak, so it had never occured to me that the reason for the termination might have been that he thought I had sexual interest in him.
Don't get me wrong, I love gay men, (and he's got a bit of that voice, so it probably hit a sore spot). But I can't even believe I said that. OMG I am such a child sometimes....I just want this to be done and over and to never have anything to do with him again....
poster:alexis6
thread:394708
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/394708.html