Posted by daisym on September 24, 2004, at 1:20:37
In reply to Re: awkward sliences, posted by Klokka on September 23, 2004, at 22:58:10
We have more silences now but they aren't so awkward. Mostly I'm usually just lost in a memory or searching for words. I've expressed that silence is hard for me, it feels threatening if it goes too long. So he will ask, "where did you go?" which is better than "what are you thinking?" I think. The other typical silence breakers are: "tell me what you're feeling, even if it is just single words." That way I don't have to try to make complete sentences and/or he'll quietly say, "just keep breathing and try and come back into your body." I guess it is more obvious when I drift away.
I will say, "I need you to say something" and he almost always will tell me what he is thinking. Or he will say, "I'm giving you some space, but I'm still here. Does it feel like I've moved away?"
I'm glad he isn't rigid about me breaking the silence, or making me go first. Can you tell this is sensitive subject for me? He really does respect that so many bad things happened in silence that I have an almost automatic need to fill it up or space out. Once in a great while he will let me struggle in silence without a question to answer. But he will (finally) acknowledge that he is doing that and ask if I need him to help me (save me!) if I just can't form a sentence.
poster:daisym
thread:394354
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/394397.html