Posted by daisym on September 23, 2004, at 18:30:00
In reply to Re: Memories or flashbacks? CSA (trigger potential » daisym, posted by antigua on September 23, 2004, at 16:50:16
Memories DO hurt...the intensity of the emotion sits in my chest like a weight and I can't breathe...
I discussed last night with my therapist and we walked through the physical response. I"ll share as much as I can...the most obvious response is the tears. I think these are from the fear. I am really good at controlling my tears but in a flashback, I have just "gasped" and then burst into tears. My other physical response is a stomach ache, and I have thrown up, but usually in the aftermath. I've experienced vaginal pain too, during the flashback during sex the whole thing turned ugly, including becoming painful.
The most powerful physical response is actually no response. For me, it feels like being frozen in the moment, listening really hard or holding my breath a really long time. So having one of these while driving would be bad. I've had a storm of memories while driving and cried hard enough to have to pull off the road. But I've never been in a flashback while driving.
I hope I haven't scared you. In thinking about the couple of times this has happened, there are a number of factors that make it more likely -- I'm really, really tired, I've worked on a memory or feeling in therapy that day and something surprised (scares) me. I think this is why my therapist pushed for sleeping pills when I wasn't sleeping at all.
I also wanted to add that it is highly likely that you might be getting ready to remember something...I can feel it when memories are trying to push up now. I fight them back sometimes, because I'm afraid. Sometimes I just wake up knowing something else. But they didn't arrive in a flashback. It was calmer than that.
Is it worse today?
poster:daisym
thread:394060
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/394251.html