Posted by mair on September 22, 2004, at 21:51:18
In reply to Re: and then again...you're a good person » mair, posted by RosieOGrady on September 22, 2004, at 19:45:39
Thanks so much Rosie - Like some others I've met here, I periodically struggle alot with suicidal ideation. I think it's just my own personal cross to bear - or, as my T puts it, my most troublesome, and unfortunately, enduring symptom. While it's taken alot of hard work to get there, I really think I am at a place with my T where I'd call her if I really felt in any imminent danger.
Strangely, to me, I can be in pretty bad internal shape, and function quite nicely externally, so most of the time, no one really knows how bad things can be getting, except my T - I may not always tell her things I should, but I don't try to disguise how poorly I'm doing. I used to; but I really can't any more.
It's also strange to me that I can be all over the place - one moment I'm feeling like there's no way to come out of what I'm going through now, and the next minute i'm totally absorbed with something at work, or I'm busily making plans with one of my kids or with my husband. I'll just forget for awhile that I'm a total failure and that I'm supposed to kill myself.
I've been down this road enough to be able to tell myself, usually convincingly enough, that feeling suicidal is temporal, so I am trying to hold onto that mantra.
And talking to you guys, always helps.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:393766
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/393929.html